


Guilty Heart

by FiendMaz



Series: Oceans Will Part In This War Of Hearts [12]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Protective Lydia, Protective Magnus Bane, Sad Alec, Sad Magnus Bane, Self-Discovery, Self-Sacrifice, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7545711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiendMaz/pseuds/FiendMaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec stepped back, letting his sister’s hand fall away from him. “I appreciate it but he isn’t a part of our mission. How will we explain ourselves? Even if we told the Clave, we all know they won’t care Magnus is gone. At worst, they'll brand him as a traitor. At best, they'll just say he’s not Clave business.”</p><p>“I know it won’t be official. Everything important isn't." Izzy flicked her hair back. "But he’s Magnus.” She emphasised hotly. “He’s our business.”</p><p>“No. He’s mine."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilty Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This series is set in the Shadowhunters (TV) world so some things aren't as it is in the book but those that aren't touched upon by the show yet are based on book canon as obtained through the Shadowhunters wikia. The rest are written with liberty.
> 
> Title and lyrics at the end are from Pale Lung by Robyn Sherwell.
> 
> __  
> This series is set in the Shadowhunters (TV) world so some things aren't as it is in the book but those that aren't touched upon by the show yet are based on book canon as obtained through the Shadowhunters wikia. The rest are written with liberty.

The brightness of the sun shined and gleamed off the red deck though even its warmth didn’t lighten up the situation at hand. Valentine was standing upright and proud, sneering at them while the Circle members rounded on Magnus, one of them pressing a blade on the warlock’s soft caramel neck in a threatening manner.

Alec’s vision tinted with red and he struggled even harder out of Jace’s grip. Lydia’s hold on his wrist long gone. “Magnus!” His desperation seeped into his words as he knew the warlock must be still low on magic from the aftermath of the Dumort and what with saving his life. He wanted to help but he didn’t know how. The warlock had walked into the trap willingly and swiftly before Alec could even begin to formulate an escape plan for all of them. One thing he did know was that he wanted Magnus to do something. Anything. To escape or give him a signal so he could save the warlock. Somehow.

The inability to see Magnus’ face and eyes was killing him. What was the warlock thinking or feeling? Alec wanted to know. He wanted to know and act appropriately because he was blind like this. He couldn’t do anything. He wanted to see. He wanted the warlock to stop being so docile whilst captured by the enemy. “Magnus, don’t do this!”

One question that was prominent in his mind and trumped all others was: _why?_

Alec swallowed thickly as Magnus was moved around to face him and his breath caught at the sight of those gorgeous chocolate brown eyes. There were sadness and defeat deeply set into those eyes and the slightly furrowed brows creasing the otherwise smooth face. But they gave away no explanation as to why Magnus was doing this or why he looked so resigned. A High Warlock so strong and full of pride was giving himself up for what? Jace? That didn’t even make sense.

“Magnus.” Alec whispered the name like a prayer, his heart starting to ache.

Magnus smiled. “It’s okay, Alec. You have Jace now.”

His mind couldn’t comprehend the words. Refusing to. None of this was fine. None. Nor did any of this made sense. He didn’t want to lose Magnus to get Jace back. That was never an option and he didn’t know why Magnus thought it was.

He needed to understand what was going through Magnus’ mind but at the same time he was angry. So angry with the warlock. Beneath that anger though was the simmering guilt of not being good enough. But he pushed those away, intent on the current mission.

Finding out what Magnus’ plan was and acting accordingly. For now.

Alec stopped struggling and bore his eyes into the warlock’s. The threat of loss pressing into him so oppressive it felt like he was a little kid locked up in a box just waiting for the four walls to crush him to death. “Magnus, why?” His breath caught at the last word.

For a while they both simply stared at each other and Alec was hung in limbo, waiting and waiting, then Magnus parted his lips. “I love you.”

Stunned, Alec froze. His face fell slack and he felt his heart stutter. _What?_ His heart thumped loudly, almost deafening him. This wonderful powerful High Warlock was giving himself up for..?

Alec grit his teeth and then pushed that thought away before his insecurities swallowed up the confession. He hardened his gaze and focused. “I’m coming after you.” Alec promised determinedly. It was not up for question or debate. Just as much as he knew he would look for Jace forever to the ends of the earth and back until he's able to bring his parabatai back home, he knew he would do the same for Magnus.

“Don’t.” Magnus sighed softly and his smile turned wistful, making Alec’s heart ache steadily. “Not everyone you lose is a loss.”

Magnus’ gaze was magnetic and Alec was being pulled. He felt his soul detaching itself from inside of him to reach out for the warlock. Then, the words that spilled out from Magnus’ lips were finally deciphered by his brain and yet again, his heart stuttered.

He understood what was being implied with a deep pain because he felt that way a lot of the time; if anyone should be sacrificed, it was him. He wasn’t as important and that belief was so deeply rooted into his core being for many reasons, one of which had been lifted off of him by Magnus. He couldn’t start to fathom why Magnus felt the same as he when the warlock was so magnificent and utterly magical in comparison to him.

However, he was changing. Slowly but surely. And he knew that even if Jace was his parabatai, he wouldn’t give himself up in exchange. So no one should either. He wouldn’t allow his family to be torn apart for whatever reason. They’d get Jace back without anyone sacrificing themselves.

Alec bore his eyes into Magnus’; _You are a loss_ , he tried to convey through them. He struggled even harder against the iron grip of his parabatai. Though, he didn’t know what he’d do if Jace _did_ let go because he knew it was a lost cause. There wasn’t anything he could do. From the beginning, they were outnumbered and now that Magnus was in such a defenceless position, Alec was even more helpless. His anger flared.

“While this is all very disgusting and indicative of the blasphemy of the current Nephilim race, we really must be going.” Valentine’s voice boomed over them all.

_No._

“Magnus, _please_!” Alec cried out, his mind supplying a logical conclusion that it was a lost battle and he was losing the warlock today. But he just got Magnus a few weeks ago. He couldn’t – wouldn’t be separated with him. Not yet. Not ever. His eyes flashed as his mind screamed: _Magnus, do something, anything!_ He didn’t know what he was begging for but Magnus was magical and he was childishly believing some miracle could be performed as the warlock never failed to amaze or one-up anyone.

 _But it was a lost cause_. Magnus was low if not out of magic. And what was Alec doing waiting for the warlock to remedy the situation? Magnus already did – by giving himself up. The fact that Alec wasn’t willing to accept that decision was neither here nor there. A solution to their current disadvantageous position had been made.

“Stay strong.” Magnus gazed at him and all Alec felt was a violent rejection towards the words. Horror crashed into him as Magnus was turned and marched to the portal, the realness of the situation now more prominent than ever. His loss a palpable tangible fact unravelling in front of his eyes. “NO!” He tore his hand away from Jace’s grip but it was caught by his sister instead. “Let go of me! Let go!”

This wasn’t right. He was supposed to protect Magnus, protect them all. He couldn’t stomach another important person walking away from him into a portal with Valentine. He couldn’t. Why was he so pathetically useless?

“Goodbye, Alexander.”

The soft words struck a chord inside of Alec as if a grandfather clock had replaced his heart and struck on twelve.

_"Good bye, Alexander."_

Flashes of Magnus' hurt face when he told the warlock about marrying Lydia blinded him. He spiraled, present Magnus blurring in and out of focus. His breath was caught in his throat and it almost seemed like he was about to die. Alec screamed in anguish. “ _MAGNUS_!” Disbelief coursed through him as the portal winked out of existence, a strange blankness then dulled his whole self. He was in shock, he noted dimly.

The shock was good, the shock was making him realise things. But the presence of his siblings was suffocating him, stark reminders of the reason why he had to watch Magnus go. It wasn’t their fault, he knew but he was angry and hurting in more ways than one.

“Get off me!” Alec ripped himself from the arms of his sister and Jace. They let go willingly. He didn’t even feel relief from having his parabatai back. There was nothing. His mind and heart were solely focused on Magnus.

So he lost Magnus but that was fine. He’d concentrate on what he could do about the situation, not what he just lost. He’d do what he does best; lead, plan and execute. He’d get Magnus back home. No matter what.

Alec looked back at his friends, seeing that they had backed away to a respectable distance with frowns on their faces. Lydia looked like a lost kicked puppy and Izzy was staring at him with loss he knew she was feeling for him. Clary, on the other hand, was held underneath Jace’s arm but his parabatai wasn’t acknowledging her and simply looked at him as if he held all the answers to the universe.

“Jace,” He muttered, walking over stiffly.

His parabatai brightened and grinned slightly, moving away from Clary to open his arms for a hug. Alec accepted it and patted his brother once. Immediately Izzy was there, throwing her arms around both of them. The glint of her seraph blade’s grip caught his eye, the sun shining down on its silver face where it was fastened to a clasp by her lower back.

Alec’s jaw twitched, his parabatai rune was achingly empty, and tugged the weapon out. The seraph blade burst into life, making Clary and Lydia react vocally with twin exclamations but not enough to startle Jace or Izzy. Gently, he nudged his sister out of the way and watched as her eyes widened, looking at what he held.

He turned to Jace. “Let’s hunt some demons.” Alec said, voice light. He could feel himself swirling, his whole being detached in a way it never had been before. It was like he wasn’t himself, he couldn’t feel, but it was good as he wouldn't be able to go through with what he was about to do if he felt anything at all.

Izzy crossed her arms, her face pulling into a stubborn frown. “Alec, I get that you’re sad about Magnus and you want to vent but we should head back to the Institute.”

“We should look for Magnus instead.” Clary asked. "Do you have information that can help us, Jace?"

Alec bristled a bit at that, illogically offended that she was making it out to be that Magnus was her top priority and not his, but before he could react, Jace grinned. “Later maybe. C'mon, Alec. Let’s go.”

“Jace!” Izzy chided. “What is wrong with the both of you?”

Alec didn’t deem her with a reply and followed along as Jace led the way, the both of them ignoring the girls. Jace’s arm settled around his shoulder and sandwiched the hand not holding the seraph blade. It should have been comforting. It wasn’t. It was wrong. It was all goddamned wrong. The last time he was with Jace, he was still able to feel his brother no matter how slight. But his parabatai rune was still as empty as ever and it shouldn’t have been.

“Lydia! Are you going to allow this?” Izzy demanded from behind.

This wasn’t Jace. So why was this Eidolon demon pretending to be Jace? Infiltration? That'd be absurd. Demons can't enter the Institute thanks to Magnus. Perhaps to lure them? Should he try questioning the demon?

No.

Interrogation would be futile.

“Alec will soon lead the Institute with me. He can make his own decisions.” Lydia’s cool voice answered Izzy.

Alec found he also didn’t care to know why. All he needed to know was this demon pretending to be Jace had cost him Magnus. As soon as they were far enough for the girls to not be able to react, Alec darted out of the arm draped on him. With speed granted to him by his runes, he swung his arm and stabbed the Jace lookalike swiftly at the back and pushed it in further when he heard screams.

“Oh my god! Jace!”

“Alec, what’re you doing?!”

The action was less dramatic than it should’ve been considering everything that had happened within the past hour but Alec was no less satisfied for having done something to alleviate the loss he was feeling. No parabatai. No Magnus. What did he do to deserve his family walking away from him one by one? What did he do?

Footfalls came but they stopped abruptly when the Eidolon demon pretending to be Jace vanished into thin air, leaving sparks of red in its wake. Alec rounded on them all. “That wasn’t Jace.” He said roughly, his shock now wearing off as anger rapidly consumed him. “You all should have noticed.” He eyed them and they looked away from him.

Clary rubbed at her wrist. “I was just happy to have him back.”

Alec shook his head. _He_ should have noticed but all he had seen was Magnus. He was as much at fault as the rest of them. But he was losing _Magnus_ and that should have made a world of a difference between the centre of his attention and theirs. They should have been looking at the rest and cataloguing everything – especially Lydia. He looked at her and judging from her grim expression, he knew she was berating herself.

Once upon a time he would have blamed only himself and he didn't know when he stopped doing so but he knew it was because of Magnus' implicit belief in him. The warlock always gently reprimanded him when he so obviously took others' mistakes as his own, always reminded him that he was doing well. He had Magnus to thank that he could see clearly he wasn’t the only one at fault for the current predicament and that his own fault could be forgiven. Magnus would be delighted to know of the change in him.

But the warlock wasn’t here and Alec couldn’t share it.

Tears pricked Alec’s eyes and he swallowed multiple times to dislodge what was stuck in his throat. He needed to not feel. He needed to plan. He needed to…

Izzy approached him slowly and hugged him, tugging him so that Alec was now burying his face in her hair.

He inhaled deeply once more, taking in the crisp salty air and the sweet scent of his sister’s shampoo. Clumsily, he patted her back, thankful for her affection though he felt terrible that she was comforting him when she most likely needed it as well. It must’ve felt like she lost Jace once again, hopes dashed. He glanced at Clary and met Lydia’s eyes. His ex-fiancé was hugging Clary close like an older sister.

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” Izzy whispered.

Alec knew she was talking about Magnus. There was another empty hole inside of him next to the one created by Jace’s departure. He threw a question heavenwards and asked the question: what did he do to deserve this? He wondered if he’d get an answer. He wondered if he cared. He wanted to ask what Magnus thought. He couldn’t.

Why was everyone leaving him?

Alec curled his arms around his sister’s slender waist and pulled her in closer. “Don’t leave me.” The vulnerable words left him but he didn’t feel shame. Yet another lesson Magnus taught him.  _Stop_ , he thought. He kissed his sister's hair and waited. He needed her to confirm it and he wanted to believe in her words no matter how impossible it would be to stay true to the promise.

“I won’t ever leave you, big brother.” Izzy replied firmly.

 _You won’t_ , Alec thought silently. _No one will._

To hell with the rest of the world. He’d bring his family back together with his own hands and give no fucks to whoever dared to stop him. He didn’t give a damn if his mother, the Clave, other Nephilim, Downworlders or, indeed, Heaven tried to stop him for whatever reason. He'd take a leaf from Jace’s book and a whole damn chapter from his own that consisted of his ever-growing story with Magnus.

Fuck the world. Fuck everyone else.

_He’d get his family back with him. And Magnus was his family – official or not (something he’d hopefully fix on the next date)._

 

*~*~*~*

 

Upon entering the Institute, they were all faced by a stern-faced Maryse Lightwood. The last thing Alec needed after the horrid event earlier. He wasn’t in the mood for his mother; whether it was her scathing words, cold fury or something else.

“Well?” His mother snapped at him. “Report.”

Lydia raised a hand before Alec could speak and he stepped back to physically symbolise that he recognised her authority. Authority for which he was grateful for. He didn’t want to speak to his mother now. He needed to start looking for Magnus and his mother was wasting precious time.

“Maryse, you aren’t the Head of the Institute. I am. If I have to remind you again, I will throw you out. Don’t disturb my people, they’re busy.” Lydia reprimanded coldly.

Alec tried hard to smother the smile wanting break out on his face. In his peripheral, he could see Izzy not even trying (though facing away from their mother) and by the way Clary was coughing awkwardly, he was pretty sure she was laughing.

Maryse took offense, her chest heaving in anger. “They are my children.”

“I’m aware.” Lydia replied breezily. “And you may disturb them when they’re on break. Now, follow me to my office.”

Lydia headed straight for her office with a fuming Maryse in tow. Alec watched them go, secured in the knowledge that Lydia would do as usual, withholding any information regarding Magnus on her report and otherwise.

After the first time he informed Magnus that he withheld information regarding Camille’s death, the warlock’s relief was so evident that Alec decided to continue to do so. He was able to reach an agreement with Lydia quickly soon after; Lydia's adoration for Magnus definitely helped him. This time especially, he was certain Magnus wouldn’t want the Clave to know anything. They would have been all over it, wasting no time to brand the High Warlock of Brooklyn a traitor immediately. Of that he had no doubt and Alec wouldn’t have that. Not on his watch.

He turned to walk towards the weapons room, Clary and Izzy following him. He slipped on more straps to his person and equipped on daggers, knives, an extra seraph blade and two more steles. He had a semi-formulated plan currently and his first course of action would be to call Catarina and Luke. Surely, one warlock and a pack of werewolves tracking Magnus would yield results. If not… he’d have to rely on Izzy’s intel here at the Institute which, if he were being painfully honest to himself, wouldn’t yield anything.

Unless Valentine wanted them to find Magnus; he learned that much over the weeks.

Or… he could contact Raphael. Yeah, he wasn’t too keen on that. But he’d do it because jealousy wasn’t worth losing a chance of finding Magnus.

In the back of his mind, Alec knew that if searching for Jace was any indication, his chances weren't high but he tried not to think about it. He couldn’t. He needed to hope. At the very least, Valentine not giving a crap about Downworlders may help in Magnus’ whereabouts having little to no security as compared to Jace.

_“A warlock at my disposal. Take him.”_

Alec scrunched his face and tightened the grip on his bow. A hand landed on his shoulder and he swivelled to face his sister – and Clary. “Yeah?” He gruffed.

“Alec, you don’t have to do this alone.” Izzy said earnestly.

Clary stayed silent, a frown playing on her lips. She looked like she was struggling to not speak.

“No.” Alec refused. “I need to do this but both of you have to stay and continue the mission. We're the only ones, along with Lydia, looking for Jace. Everyone else are only concerned about capturing Valentine.”

“Yes, but, Alec, this is just an extension of our mission. Magnus was taken because he was accompanying us and we all have to take on the responsibility.” Izzy pressed.

Clary nodded solemnly, finally speaking up. “Alec, let us help you.”

Alec stepped back, letting his sister’s hand fall away from him. “I appreciate it but he isn’t a part of our mission. How will we explain ourselves? Even if we told the Clave, we all know they won’t care Magnus is gone. At worst, they'll brand him as a traitor. At best, they'll just say he’s not Clave business.”

“I know it won’t be official. Everything important isn't." Izzy flicked her hair back. "But he’s _Magnus_.” She emphasised hotly. “He’s _our_ business.”

“No. He’s _mine_. This,” Alec pointed his finger downwards to stress his word. “This is _personal_. I need to do this - alone.” He announced strongly then took his hand back to hike up his bow which had started to slide down his shoulder. “You’re both staying and that’s final. You can help by continuing the search for Jace and assisting Lydia in keeping the Clave and mother off my back.”

“Okay.” Izzy half-whispered, her eyes gleaming. Despite the acceptance in her words, he heard how her voice shook. It was exactly like back when he told her that what he wanted was to marry Lydia. She was standing by him again even if she didn’t agree. He hoped he was making the right call; Magnus wasn't around to steer him towards the right direction this time around.

Alec hugged her, kissing the top of her head. “Thank you.” He whispered sincerely. His eyes flicked up to meet Clary’s clear ones.

“I'm sorry.” Clary apologised and Alec nodded, knowing it was about Magnus and the Eidolon demon. She bowed her head slightly, lips set in a firm line but she didn’t look stern. Instead, she looked like she was reluctantly accepting his decision much like Izzy. For the second time since meeting her, Alec felt himself appreciating her.

He couldn't understand why she cared about him the way she did when he was nothing but rude to her up until they reached an understanding. Maybe it was a mundane thing to be so compassionate and caring. Or maybe actually allowing herself to feel things without repressing her emotions made her that much more of a decent human being compared to Shadowhunters as a whole.

Alec moved away from his sister. “I’m going.” He announced then promptly left the weapons room, through the ops room and out the doors of the Institute. His sister and Clary’s parting wishes of good luck chased after him to clothe him like armour. He pulled out his phone to use Uber, an app Clary introduced to him, for a cab, noting the plate number given. Afterwards, he dialled Catarina’s number and waited. By the third ring, he heard the call connect.

“Something the matter, Alec?”

Alec breathed a sigh of relief from hearing her voice. “Catarina, Magnus was taken by Valentine. Can you track him?”

“I’m sorry, what?” A series of crashed and stumbles sounded from her side then a slammed door. “When did this happen?”

“Just a few hours ago. He left with Valentine to swap himself for Jace. I need to know, can you find him for me?” Alec questioned.

Catarina sighed, her breath rustling the connection. “I’ll try. I have something of Magnus’ in my home. I’ll call you after, okay?”

“Yes. Yes. Thank you.”

“There’s no need for that. Magnus is important to me.”

The line ended with a _click_ and Alec breathed out. He eyed his surroundings before dialling the next number.

“Jade Wolf.”

“This is Alexander Lightwood. I need to speak to Luke.”

“Hold on.”

Alec hung his head back, exhaustion hitting him with a force of a Hellhound. Losing Magnus was devouring him even more forcefully than when he had lost his parabatai and no matter his efforts to ignore that fact, he was being devoured from the inside-out regardless. He took a moment to accept, resigned, that he wouldn’t be able to handle losing Magnus on top of Jace.

(The implications of which he was not ready to face.)

“Alec, it’s Luke.”

“Magnus was taken by Valentine.” Alec went straight to the point. “I’ve asked a warlock to track him but I need you and your pack to look for him as well. I don’t know if you care about him but he saved your life once. I hope that means something.”

“It does and I do care. Magnus has helped me, Jocelyn and Clary more times than I can count. It's time I get to help him for a change. I’ll call you if we find something.” Luke’s deep and sure voice instilled some confidence in Alec for which he was grateful; any boost in morale was welcome.

“Actually, I'll be joining you so wait up for me.”

“We'll be ready.”

The call disconnected and Alec pushed it back into his pocket. Upon joining the werewolves, he planned on going back to Pier 15 to start the full round of the coast and bank of New York City. A taxi turned the corner and he automatically raised his hand to hail it down, eyes zoomed in on the plate number.

 

*~*~*~*

 

The building was decrepit and dilapidated, rotting and nearly collapsing into itself. Under the orange rays of a sun nearing twilight that normally beautified anything basking in its light, the edifice merely seemed even more destroyed and dark.

The lowest floor, the basement, was dark and reeked of demons. It held cells upon cells but only one prisoner.

Magnus swallowed thickly and inched his way to the wall until his back hit it. He looked around and wondered if he had enough magic to clean up the place. If he even had magic at all. He lifted his heavily chained hands and snapped his finger. Promptly, what drop of magic he apparently had died inside of him. _Fantastic_. Magnus soughed then tilted his head as he heard footsteps nearing his vicinity. He grit his teeth, moving on to wonder what they were going to do to him.

Upon arrival, he was dragged down the steps and thrown into a jail. Maybe for him to rot in. It was a smart thing to do as he wouldn’t have agreed to do anything nor would he be able to in any case but he was disgruntled nonetheless. He was supposed to be threatened and humiliated and tortured until he bent to Valentine's will. Instead, he was staring at a shaky visual of a crumbling cement wall through rusting steel bars, surrounded by foul odour, liquids and werewolf fur stuck to the walls and floor. And there was nothing he hated more than being stuck in a damp, dirty and stank jail cell in a building swarming with so many demons he could feel their crawling presence like an irritating skin disease.

A figure appeared at the far end, shadowed by the flickering lights, and kept walking until it stood right outside his cell.

_Jace._

Magnus stared at the man before him. No luck. Even under his unwavering stare, this wasn’t a demon. Shit. He made a mistake. Fuck. He was exhausted during the mission, fine, but seriously?

“Great.” Magnus greeted Blondie flatly, voice belying exactly how weary he was.

Jace crouched down and looked through the bars. “Any way you can get us both out of here?”

“I’d love to.” Magnus breathed out heavily. “But I’m out of magic right now.”

Jace stared for a while then shook his head. “I can’t believe you fell for it. It was an Eidolon demon.”

“If you haven’t noticed, Blondie,” Magnus gritted out. “I’m too tired to observe anything. It’s a miracle I’m awake.” He muttered the last line under his breath.

Jace perked up at that and looked surreptitiously around before leaning in closer, pressing his cheek to the bar. “Look, Magnus, you have to stay awake. They’ll be drugging you soon and it’ll amp up your emotions, make you hallucinate, have nightmares. It’ll fuck with your brain. You _have_ to stay awake.”

Magnus widened his eyes incredulously. “I _can’t_.”

“You have to and I can’t stay to help.” Jace shifted. “Valentine plans on leaving you here with the demons and some Circle members. You’ll just have to survive until Alec finds you.” Jace ran a hand through his hair. “Give me something of yours and I’ll drop it outside. Hopefully, the werewolves are involved and they sniff it out or something.”

“No.” Magnus stood up and unsteadily walked over to the bars. “I won’t allow Alec to find me. He’ll just get hurt in the process of saving me. I’m no lightweight, I can get out by myself once I’ve rested enough.”

Jace raised a brow. “You’re being stubborn.”

“I’m the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Now, the question is, why isn’t Valentine making use of me?”

“Fine.” Jace let out a breath. “I believe he has plans to come back and use you once your mind has been broken down enough by the drugs. But before that, he says he has no reason to trust you while you’re sane.”

"So I'll be made to bend over after all and not in the fun way." Magnus managed a smirk. "I’ll be fine.”

“What does Alec see in you...” Jace rolled his eyes. “Can you tell him something for me?”

“What?”

“Tell Alec I’m sorry and I miss them all.”

A dark aura settled on Magnus. “There's no need. I will reunite you with Alec, Jace. No matter the cost.”

Jace flashed a smile and Magnus noticed for the first time that the headstrong Nephilim looked weak, eyes drawn down and shoulders slumped. “Thirteen days from now, Valentine is sending me to recruit the Seelie Queen. I plan on escaping from there with Meliorn’s help or something.”

“A lot of Seelies owe debts to me. They will help you. Though, ultimately, I will have to get you out myself.” Magnus closed his eyes, trying to fight his brain from shutting down, his prolonged inactivity draining out what adrenaline he had leftover from earlier. “Stay out of the Queen’s court for as long as you can.”

“Will do.”

Magnus opened his eyes and met Jace’s. “Actually, give me your arm.”

Jace's eyes narrowed but he did as he was told.

“I’ll just take some energy from you.” Magnus explained before grabbing the hand offered. “Don’t move.” A few seconds later, he unchained himself and underwent the same motions he did back at Raphael’s, swirling his fingers above his tattooed arm to lift his phone out, and smiled a little when Jace let out a surprised breath. Magnus took Jace’s arm and did a series of spells to make the phone sink in, leaving no evidence to its presence, then let go. “If you’re within any area of service or internet, I’ll be able to track you the mundane way. Otherwise, I’ll see you at the Seelie realm, Blondie.”

Jace grabbed Magnus' elbow. “Thanks, Magnus. Thanks for a lot of things. You sacrificed yourself for me - even if it was just an Eidolon demon. And thanks for Alec as well. The wedding, I – you know what? Just. Thanks for everything. By the angel, I'm turning into a mundane overflowing with _feelings_. Trying to be a mindless robot beside Valentine is making me stir crazy.”

Magnus chuckled breathily. “Learn to control only your face. Emotions are a powerful thing. It’ll help you keep your head straight.”

“You’re telling me.” Jace huffed. “Valentine keeps insulting me for having emotions but isn’t his hatred for Downworlders an emotion? Damn hypocrite.” Jace lifted his head, eyes straying to the side as he strained his neck.

“Someone’s coming?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go.” Jace tightened the grip on Magnus' elbow and ripped off the sleeve with swift ease, forcing a small thin cylinder to the caramel palm before pulling away completely, eyes twinkling. “Don’t belittle the drugs. Drink that when you’re ready. It should amplify your magic.” Jace waved the torn material. “I’ll drop this outside. Good luck, man.”

Magnus rolled his eyes albeit more fondly than he would have thought ever feeling with present company. “ _Blondie_. I’ll see you soon.”

“Looking forward to it, _Bane_.” Jace smirked then stood up and quickly disappeared into the depths of the building.

Magnus laid his head back and closed his eyes, resigned to his fate.

If Blondie was right, he’d have to endure a few hours or a day of drugs fucking with his thoughts and emotions until his magic returned. It would be a tremendous pain in the ass as his mind was already unfortunately vulnerable as of late. For all the years he has lived, he’d never had drugs pumped into him without magic to counteract most of the harmful effects.

Magnus walked back to the back of his cell and lowered himself to the floor. "You're the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Bane." He reminded himself of the seat he temporarily vacated that early morning. It seemed so long ago now. No matter, the point remained. He was more than capable of being able to portal himself out upon regaining his magic. There was nothing deterring him. Maybe wards but even those he'd be able to destroy.

Because Valentine may have been smart enough to wait until he was crushed and defeated by his own mind before making use of him but the crazy Nephilim was also arrogant enough to believe a simple jail cell would prevent him from leaving. Basics of capturing a warlock was to use magic-nullifying handcuffs but they used mundane chains. How amateur.

"'Hypocrisy, pride, self-conceit, wrath, arrogance and ignorance belong, O Partha, to him who is born to the heritage of demons.'" Magnus recited from memory.

The idolised Valentine, the proud half-angel that preached an idealised world for the Nephilim, the so-called _ultimo_ of Shadowhunters from a generation that wanted to scrub the earth clean of demons and their influence was now nothing more than the embodiment of demon traits.

_My, how truly fitting._

 

*~*~*~*

 

Midnight had fallen and the coldness of the coming winter meant that standing outside under the moon was pretty much a solo affair. Looking at it, there wasn’t anything different about the brick building but the sight of it made Alec despair.

He raised his hand and touched the gate, lips trembling. “Fuck.” Alec cursed out. He shouldn’t even be here outside Magnus’ building. He should be out searching with the werewolves but even though they spent the whole afternoon going to pier after pier, they found nothing and neither did Catarina. So like a true failure, once they neared Magnus’ home, he couldn’t deny the pull and caved. He left the werewolves to continue the search, informing them he would ask Raphael for help.

And he would though he _was_ still undeniably engulfed by his jealousy. Torn between not wanting the vampire's help and wanting Magnus back. Torn because what if Raphael did find Magnus and not him? Alec wanted to be the one who found Magnus. It was petty and selfish. Possibly the most selfish sentiment Alec ever had in the entirety of his life. A sentiment he was studiously ignoring like everything else that wouldn't benefit him in any way; an efficient warrior's way.

He would go - soon. He just needed a minute to feel close to Magnus. He leaned on the cool metal and flinched back when it opened. “What the – ?” Alec stood, baffled, and then surged forward, closing the gate behind himself. He looked up at the stairs and pondered on the possibility of the loft door opening up for him as well.

With quick steps, he ran up the stairs and touched Magnus’ loft door with his hands. His heart beat quickly in anticipation. When nothing happened, he twisted the knob and the door opened easily. “Shit.” He murmured.

His eyes darted side to side curiously and he closed the door softly. A tender emotion started filling up his heart as it dawned on him that Magnus must have made it so he was allowed into the loft.

_“I love you.”_

Alec closed his eyes and collapsed back onto the door. “Shit.” He licked his lips, trying to fight off tears, and forced himself forwards. When he reached the living room, he flung himself onto the couch and curled up with a pillow, pressing it to his face. It smelt slightly of Magnus and alcohol, of comfort and nostalgia.

_“It’s okay, Alec. You have Jace now.”_

He should have known Magnus was as self-sacrificing as he. Whether Alec deserved the love or not didn’t matter because Magnus gave himself up. For him. And Alec didn’t even have the decency to notice the warlock’s strong feelings for him over the few weeks they were 'dating'. If their situation was still considered that after one date - or two, technically.

He had been way too focused on everything else to spend time with Magnus after the picnic date. He fooled himself thinking that because his mind whirled on thought after thought about the enigmatic warlock (using what interaction they had between them), it was enough. Fooled himself into thinking that the small joy of seeing each other when they met up for patrols or missions would be enough. Fooled himself while Magnus hovered by the side-lines, unwittingly but ultimately disregarded and hurt by Alec once more. When would he learn?

Even knowing he knew nothing of relationships or dating didn’t stop him from feeling like shit.

Yet in spite of his failings, Magnus loved him. Loved him while he had, once again, allowed himself to be burdened by his duties and weighed down by his mother's cruel words.

And for what?

 _For what?_ The words repeated themselves inside Alec’s head and he couldn’t shake it off. It was a question he seemed to be asking himself more and more ever since Magnus came into his life.

He nearly killed Meliorn for the Clave, for what? For it to take his siblings stopping him and fighting with him to try to make him realise he was being a narrow-minded and mindless murderer. He had stubbornly followed the Clave and their rules, for what? For them to turn around and spit at the work they did for the Nephilim cause, putting Izzy on trial to threaten them into giving the Cup up. He proposed and almost married Lydia, for what? For parents so ungrateful of his sacrifices that they saw him as nothing but a pawn to use to their advantage instead of their son.

He had been so unwarrantedly rude and dismissive towards Magnus because he was afraid of revealing himself, for what? For it to take Magnus getting so hurt and in the end still take the initiative to stop him making the worst mistake of his life.

They were all for nothing.

He knew that and yet here he was with Magnus gone. Throughout his life, Alec had lost a lot for Jace and the list grew all the time. But it wouldn't have the warlock's name added to it. He wouldn't allow it. There was no reason for Magnus to give himself up as Alec didn't want him to so the warlock's reason was for naught. And he'd be damned if he lost Magnus for nothing.

Safe within Magnus' sanctuary, Alec let hot tears slip out of his shut eyes, barely feeling them before they were absorbed by the pillow. Just five minutes. Five minutes of weakness and he’d leave to ask Raphael for help then continue the search for however long it took to secure Magnus' freedom.

The day had been bleak, yes, but Alec was no less determined than he was when he told Magnus _"I'm coming after you."_

 

*~*~*~*

_Breathing me into you, I'm falling out, I'm caught red-handed.  
_

_And it's a guilty heart that beats for you._

**Author's Note:**

> Alec is changing and shaping up to be a good leader and protector as well as a fantastic future boyfriend. Progress!
> 
> The quote Magnus uttered was taken and translated from the sixteenth chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, a 700-verse Hindu scripture that can be found in a Hindu epic called Mahabharata. I don't believe Magnus is religious but having been born in Batavia of the Dutch East Indies, now Jakarta of Indonesia, I'm pretty sure he's well-read in Hinduism.
> 
> Anyway, my flight was moved so I got a few more days hence being able to post this. Good thing too because I really wanted to finish this fic. And this is the longest in the series! Mainly because of my soul-searching with Alec haha Writing him is always a challenge but I think I finally reached an understanding with him.
> 
> The next fic may take a while as I notified last time. Wish me luck! :)
> 
> Kudos are loved. Comments are loved even more <3


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